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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Last week, these lollipops mysteriously appeared in the mail.

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Cornelius had been dying to taste a caper-flavored lollipop ever since he read Dan Krall’s The Great Lollipop Caper. 

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Despite the warning, he was sure he’d never be appalling.

Well.

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He removed the wrapper. The lollipop was strangely smooth and unsticky. No smell.

Lick.

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Lick.

Lick lick.

Nope, not him. He was a good bear, a likeable bear — no lollipop in the whole wide world could ever change that.

Oh?

Without asking permission, he raided the cookie jar.

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When he got thirsty, he took to the bottle.

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Hiccup!

Then, I’m sorry to report, he began writing nasty words.

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*covers eyes*

Lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick.

He decided he would do every naughty thing the children did in the book!

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And that wasn’t all.

My stars, you WILL NOT believe what he did next.

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Desecrated the title of an otherwise tasty book. GASP!

Beyond appalling!

Antidote lollipop to the rescue!

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Lick.

Lick.

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Lick lick.

Phew!

Guess Dan’s story is true.

Read The Great Lollipop Caper with great caution.

DO NOT eat any caper-flavored lollipoopspops unless you have Antidote lollipops on hand.

Cornelius has learned his lesson. He’s back to being his well-behaved self.

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Well, almost.

* * *

lollipop caper cover

♥ For a chance to win a SIGNED COPY of The Great Lollipop Caper + lollipops, enter the giveaway at this post  (if you dare).

Deadline for entries: Midnight (EDT) Friday, May 24, 2013.

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Copyright © 2013 Jama Rattigan of Jama’s Alphabet Soup. All rights reserved.

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If you’re in the mood for a tempestuous tale of jealousy, greed and world domination, you’ve come to the right place.

The frenetically talented and unusually hungry author, illustrator, animator and art director Dan Krall (yes, he’s tall) has just today released a brand new shiny briny picture book called The Great Lollipop Caper (Simon & Schuster, 2013)! Yay, Lollipops!

Some would say respectable grown men shouldn’t write about sweet lollipops, but here’s the lick: at first glance, this may seem like a simple, albeit saccharine story. But all you diehard sourpusses will be happy to hear this tome has a testy tart edge — it taps into the inner torment (for crying out loud) of one little green wrinkly caper. Oy, a caper’s cautionary caper — bite me!

Before I tempt you any further, a couple of party accoutrements.

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Usually I don’t like to say this in polite company, but ahem . . .  I smell a rat!

Actually four rats, nattily sporting bowtie, necktie, fedora, and boater, casually working the stripes, football jerseys, overalls, scuba gear and yes, bunny ears, as they boogie, strut, scamper and cavort through the pages of this brand new poetry collection by our studly but relentlessly mischievous Children’s Poet Laureate, J. Patrick Lewis.

Due props to him and award-winning illustrator Anna Raff for creating this zany celebration of 22 “Real Holidays You’ve Never Heard Of ” in World Rat Day (Candlewick, 2013), destined to be an instant favorite among munchkins and short grown-ups who enjoy quirky-fun animal poems, what poet Bobbi Katz calls “ear food for elementary school kids.”

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Friends, you need to get your big fat paws on this brand new picture book. Talk about a roarin’ good time!

Here I was, my meek, mild-mannered self minding my own business, when this ferociously funny SOUP BOOK growled at me. Open me, read me, devour me, it said, slurp. up. every. word! Who am I to ignore such a request?

Seriously. I didn’t stand a chance from the get-go. When I opened the book, I saw this:

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Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

See what I mean? Look at the endpapers! I want to marry them.

In Tiger in My Soup by Kashmira Sheth and Jeffrey Ebbeler (Peachtree Publishers, 2013), a young boy left in the care of his older sister begs her to read his favorite tiger book to him. Alas and alack, she is too absorbed in her own book to pay him any attention, prompting the boy to pull out his most imaginative stops to get her to change her mind.

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Oinkity oink oink.

Happy March!

It’s National Pig Day!

Gather round, ye swines, sows, piglets and poetry-loving porkers. We’re mud-wallowingly happy to squeal your praises today. Surely none other in the animal kingdom is as clean, intelligent, belly beautiful or lick-the-fat-off-your-face tasty!

*pork fat reverie*

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Mr. Cornelius delivering the keynote address at the 2013 Alphabet Soup Pig Day Conference.

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Captive audience hangs on his every word.

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“Now, let’s talk about that flying thing . . . “

Where would we be without our Sunday morning slices of crispy bacon, our juicy honey-baked Easter ham, our Wednesday night pan-fried pork chops with biscuits and gravy, our fall-off-the-bone bourbon-glazed baby back ribs? Oh, tempt me with your tenderloin, your coy cutlets, your heavenly hocks! Whether sausage, shoulder or bountiful butt, you alone wear the Crown.

To barbecue or not to barbecue — that’s not even a question. Aye, there’s the dry rub.

*trit trot, trit trot*

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