*This post is dedicated to Frances Park and Ginger Park, passionate purveyors of the ultimate edible browns.
My name is Jama and I am a serial brownogamist.
I just can’t help myself. Something about those little brown shorts and matching socks. The rum hum of that engine, the pounding of running shoes on the front walk, the telltale whump as a parcel is tossed onto the porch.
Thing is, he has no idea what I look like. I just hope it’s as good for him as it always is for me.
WHY I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU, UPS MAN
by Alice N. Persons
you bring me all the things I order
are never in a bad mood
always have a jaunty wave as you drive away
look good in your brown shorts
we have an ideal uncomplicated relationship
you’re like a cute boyfriend with great legs
who always brings the perfect present
(why, it’s just what I’ve always wanted!)
and then is considerate enough to go away
oh, UPS Man, let’s hop in your clean brown truck and elope !
ditch your job, I’ll ditch mine
let’s hit the road for Brownsville
and tempt each other
with all the luscious brown foods —
roast beef, dark chocolate,
brownies, Guinness, homemade pumpernickel, molasses cookies
I’ll make you my mama’s bourbon pecan pie
we’ll give all the packages to kind looking strangers
live in a cozy wood cabin
with a brown dog or two
and a black and brown tabby
I’m serious, UPS Man. Let’s do it.
Where do I sign?
~ from Don’t Be a Stranger (Sheltering Pines Press, 2007)
In the last two weeks, my UPS guys (yes, it takes a team to keep up with my deliveries) have given me a cheese platter made in England, black capris with a cute notch at the hem, nine pairs of uncomfortable shoes, a black dress with an itchy black-and-white bolero jacket, and a box of my favorite vitamins.
True love I tell you.
No, I did not miss Ms. Persons’s mention of “luscious brown foods.” In fact, now I have a crush on her.
Flirt with me, warm homemade bread. Ahem.
let’s elope, molasses cookies,
take me home to yo’ mama, bourbon pecan pie. Ahem! Ahem!
just marry me marry me marry me, Guinness cupcakes (yes, I’m Irish)!
Then there’s the ultimate brown, the cannot-write-without-you brown, the to-live-and-die-for brown, the sell-your-children-for brown — yes, the you-know-what-I’m-talkin’ bout brown. ☺
Dip in it:
Dive in it:
Gnaw on it like there’s no tomorrow! Ahem!
Okay, okay, stop that! Who keeps “Ahem-ing?”
Oops. While both chocolate and the UPS man are ultimate browns, I did forget to mention one other brown, THE BEST BROWN OF ALL!
Wait. Have you seen these?
The always lovely Marjorie is hosting today’s Roundup at Paper Tigers. Since she lives in the U.K., she’s probably not crushing on a UPS man at the moment. Imagine the amount of chocolate she probably has to eat to compensate ☺.
Do you think my UPS man purposely brought me uncomfortable shoes just so he can come back to pick them up?
What has your brown guy brought you recently?
Ecstatic in Brownsville ♥
P.S. Two of my favorite brown recipes. This weekend?
This post is also being linked to Beth Fish Read’s Weekend Cooking, where all are invited to share their food-related posts (recipes, fiction/nonfiction/cookbook/movie reviews, photos, musings, etc.). Come and join the deliciousness!
Copyright © 2012 Jama Rattigan of Jama’s Alphabet Soup. All rights reserved.