*This post is dedicated to Frances Park and Ginger Park, passionate purveyors of the ultimate edible browns.
***
My name is Jama and I am a serial brownogamist.
I just can’t help myself. Something about those little brown shorts and matching socks. The rum hum of that engine, the pounding of running shoes on the front walk, the telltale whump as a parcel is tossed onto the porch.
Thing is, he has no idea what I look like. I just hope it’s as good for him as it always is for me.
WHY I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU, UPS MAN
by Alice N. Persons
you bring me all the things I order
are never in a bad mood
always have a jaunty wave as you drive away
look good in your brown shorts
we have an ideal uncomplicated relationship
you’re like a cute boyfriend with great legs
who always brings the perfect present
(why, it’s just what I’ve always wanted!)
and then is considerate enough to go away
oh, UPS Man, let’s hop in your clean brown truck and elope !
ditch your job, I’ll ditch mine
let’s hit the road for Brownsville
and tempt each other
with all the luscious brown foods —
roast beef, dark chocolate,
brownies, Guinness, homemade pumpernickel, molasses cookies
I’ll make you my mama’s bourbon pecan pie
we’ll give all the packages to kind looking strangers
live in a cozy wood cabin
with a brown dog or two
and a black and brown tabby
I’m serious, UPS Man. Let’s do it.
Where do I sign?
~ from Don’t Be a Stranger (Sheltering Pines Press, 2007)
***
In the last two weeks, my UPS guys (yes, it takes a team to keep up with my deliveries) have given me a cheese platter made in England, black capris with a cute notch at the hem, nine pairs of uncomfortable shoes, a black dress with an itchy black-and-white bolero jacket, and a box of my favorite vitamins.
True love I tell you.
No, I did not miss Ms. Persons’s mention of “luscious brown foods.” In fact, now I have a crush on her.
Flirt with me, warm homemade bread. Ahem.
let’s elope, molasses cookies,
take me home to yo’ mama, bourbon pecan pie. Ahem! Ahem!
just marry me marry me marry me, Guinness cupcakes (yes, I’m Irish)!
***
Then there’s the ultimate brown, the cannot-write-without-you brown, the to-live-and-die-for brown, the sell-your-children-for brown — yes, the you-know-what-I’m-talkin’ bout brown. ☺
Dip in it:
Drizzle it:
Dive in it:
Gnaw on it like there’s no tomorrow! Ahem!
***
Okay, okay, stop that! Who keeps “Ahem-ing?”
Oops. While both chocolate and the UPS man are ultimate browns, I did forget to mention one other brown, THE BEST BROWN OF ALL!
Wait. Have you seen these?
*faints*
***
The always lovely Marjorie is hosting today’s Roundup at Paper Tigers. Since she lives in the U.K., she’s probably not crushing on a UPS man at the moment. Imagine the amount of chocolate she probably has to eat to compensate ☺.
Do you think my UPS man purposely brought me uncomfortable shoes just so he can come back to pick them up?
What has your brown guy brought you recently?
Signed,
Ecstatic in Brownsville ♥
xxoo
P.S. Two of my favorite brown recipes. This weekend?
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This post is also being linked to Beth Fish Read’s Weekend Cooking, where all are invited to share their food-related posts (recipes, fiction/nonfiction/cookbook/movie reviews, photos, musings, etc.). Come and join the deliciousness!
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Copyright © 2012 Jama Rattigan of Jama’s Alphabet Soup. All rights reserved.
Jama's Alphabet Soup 
Ahem. You’re adorable, Jama! And now I am re-thinking brown… love your “rum hum” and the nine uncomfortable pair of shoes. 🙂 And I am totally with you on the unnameable deliciousness. Thanks for sharing this poem and everything else. xo
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I hope you don’t mind. I told the UPS man to deliver those shoes to your house :D.
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I must add brownogamist to my list of words to try out often and unexpectedly, just so that I can explain the context and this post, Jama! I scrolled from one luscious treat to the next…dieting begone!
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Yay for TEAM BROWN! Indulge this weekend!
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Jama, you crack me up!! I am seriously laughing out loud, and there was an extra snort when I got to the milk chocolate UPS cookies!
For breakfast this morning: croissant…WITH NUTELLA!!
Most recent deliveries from the men in brown: books, including the new Robert Frost biography/collection of essays (by Tim Kendall) that Julie Larios mentioned a couple weeks ago.
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Ah, NUTELLA! And on a croissant!! You know how to live, Mary Lee. Adopt me?
Envy your new RF book. I’ve been meaning to get that one too ever since Julie’s post. I suppose you’re happy that your brown guy is intellectual :).
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I’m laughing out loud, too! Don’t let my hubby read this poem, please… the cute UPS man comes up our drive several times a week.
Lately he’s brought huge cartons with a tent, panels, etc. as I’m going to re-hit the art show circuit later this year. He’s brought calligraphy and gilding supplies from John Neal Bookseller. He’s brought art books and old typewriter keys and loads of supplies from Jerry’s Artarama. He’s brought my printed notecards and bookmarks by the carton, and new business cards. Isn’t he the best? (Next to Mr. Cornelius, of course.)
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Oh, Robyn! Your UPS guy beats all! What a cache of treasures he’s brought you recently. No wonder you don’t want your husband to know :D.
Exciting about your art show plans!!
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Oh, yummy yum yum! I never realized how much I like brown food! Oh of course I did. I love chocolate!!! And burgers. And chocolate milk and chocolate chip cookies and I could go on and on! 🙂
The poem of the UPS Man cracked me up. Isn’t that the truth? He is always so thoughtful with the just right package!
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I have to say brown outweighs green when it comes to my favorite foods too. Ditto on all the things you mentioned, and I need to include pie crust!
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Owls are better than chocolate, too, Cornelius. 🙂
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What about owls who eat chocolate?
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🙂 Well, you’re right about the UPS man but I did enjoy the poem and oh I am just drooooling over all that chocolate. And Guinness cupcakes with Baileys icing – now that I have to try! I’ll just have to go and find some to eat while I take my gorgeous brown dog for a walk!
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Hee, you have a brown dog? I guess that makes up for not having a UPS man visit. You should still eat as much chocolate as possible, though . . .
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You’re right, it is absolutley my duty to eat chocolate 🙂 I tell my family that all the time. I have enjoyed coming back to your post and reading everybody’s comments – you have certainly struck several chords, Jama.
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I don’t even know where to start. Yes, I do — I immediately pinned the Guiness/Bailey’s cupcakes. This post is so full of goodness, let’s just say I licked my screen and leave it at that. And I LOVE the poem, too – hysterical! Thanks, Jama – you’re kinda nutty (in a good way)!
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Funny, I’ve always thought *you’re* kind of nutty :D. Takes one to know one!
I predict some Guinness cupcakes in my future, too. The Bailey’s frosting sounds out of this world.
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PS Frances and Ginger Park’s emporium is on my to-do-before-I-die list!
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I hope to visit there this summer :).
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Got a kick out of that poem! And that bourbon pecan pie!!!!
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Oh, a pie girl — we’re practically related now :).
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UPS guys are the heros in this household, too. We all run to the dog when the dog starts barking, announcing the arrival of the big brown truck.
It’s too hot here to think about baking but some chocolate ice cream would sure hit the spot. On a brownie. With chocolate syrup. Or over a slice of that pecan pie.
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Wow, I like how your mind works — your chocolate brownie sundae over pie would definitely take your mind off the heat! I don’t suppose your dog is brown too . . .
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Oh, my gosh, yummers! Bourbon pecan pie? Guinness and Baileys cupcakes? PLUS a UPS man? (Hey – wait a minute – in the Pacific Northwest, those guys don’t wear shorts…. no cute legs, no fair!)
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They NEVER wear shorts, not even in summer? Oh, Julie, you have my sympathies. I think you should call UPS and file a complaint :).
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Hi, Jama. I can’t wait to share this poem with my friend, poet Shirley Brewer. She’s going to get a huge kick out of it. How about a recipe for those Guinness cupcakes? They look to die for.
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You can access the recipe by clicking on the photo; below it there’s a link to the blog where the recipe appears. 🙂
Let me know how Shirley likes the poem!
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What a mesmerizing mash of clever you cooked up today! Laughing, holding my side and drooling all while reading this post. Wow, nicely done!
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“mesmerizing mash” = I like that! Glad you channeled the brown with us today, Betsy. Now go eat some chocolate!
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Jama, you take the cake–and the pie, the cookies, the cupcakes, the brownies, and so on. What a deliciously funny poem. I usually can hear the UPS man come by as he must turn around in my cul de sac thus making lots of noise. And there is that thwack of a box on the doorstep. Thank you, thank you. (I made the brownies back when you shared before; they are wonderful!)
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Glad to hear you liked those brownies. They are brown decadence at its best. The UPS truck is definitely loud and attention-getting. Don’t mind a bit :).
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Oh, this post just cracked me up so much.
When I worked just after college in an office, we had names for the UPS guy – he was gorgeous and friendly, and brightened our day, TWICE a day. It was lovely. He was also very married and happily showed us baby pictures – his sons are probably somewhere out there devastating their junior high classmates even now. Bring on the brown!
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Twice a day! You lucky girls :). Can’t have too much brown.
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OMG. LOVE this post. Love. My UPS guys (yes I have a team too) are the best. I see them every day. Books, work, goodies … They bring it all. I can hear the truck a mile off … and like a puppy dog, I get all giddy at the noise.
Now I’m wondering if I should bake brown bread or Guinness cupcakes or just eat chocolate.
Thanks for you kind words about my reviews.
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Every day?! Wow, you’re drowning in brown :D. Like flies to honey . . .
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What a great post! I never think to order food — but I do get giddy when the UPS man brings books!
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The UPS man can bring you anything you want. I must admit he does bring the best books :).
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I thoroughly enjoyed this post, Jama! My man in Brown visits very often here as well. Ring and run! He drops the packages, rings the bell and goes, I’ve never actually met him, his truck is off in the distance by the time I get to the door.
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Ring and run — love it! I guess our UPS guys want to keep their identities a secret. Don’t you love all the mystery and intrigue? 😀
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that is so cute, and bang on. He does always bring the perfect items. Thanks for sharing this. I do believe I have made it to the door on a really hot day in time to offer him a freezie.
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Wow, you’re so good! You have to be very fast to offer refreshments. Your UPS guy must really love you!
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Lovely post. Have a super week.
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Thanks, Carole. Have a good week and a Happy 4th!
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You’ve almost convinced me that I need to become a brownogamist!
So much delicious goodness in this post!
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Just almost? Come over to the brown side, Marg!
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Yum! Who would have thought that brown food is so luscious!
I have a team of UPS guys these days, too. We have a difficult to access driveway, so I tell them apart by the one who stops on the street, the one who stops on the lane, and the one who comes all the way up the drive (and gets grumpy if our trees aren’t trimmed). I’d definitely run away with the one who stops on the lane, but he’s too young for me. Oh yeah, and I’m married.
Recently, they brought a sprinkler, several books, and 4 tins of tuna from Spain.
Joy’s Book Blog
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Oh, they have special tuna in Spain? How exotic!
We have a very long driveway, not difficult to access, necessarily, but some of the drivers are hesitant to come all the way in for fear they won’t have room to turn their trucks around. So we do have those that stop on the street vs. those who brave driving all the way in. 🙂
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I always look forward to your Weekend Cooking posts, you have such a creative mind. The chocolate cream pie reminds me of my great-aunt who used to let me help her make it.
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Thanks, Diane. Nice that the pie picture sparked a fond memory.:)
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Guinness cupcakes?? Oh, my! I’m in. This post and the poem sum up all the things I love about my UPS man.
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Who knew so many of us are enamored with our UPS men? And those Guinness cupcakes have really struck a chord :).
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Oh, my gosh. Your post is too funny. I had to scroll through the photos very quickly, though, because I haven’t had lunch yet and didn’t want to get any ideas. Love that someone made UPS oreos, though! I don’t think I’ll ever think of the UPS man in quite the same way anymore…
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I’m thinking of leaving out some cookies next time I expect a delivery. Who knows what will happen next? 🙂
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Nothing quite like chocolate (and poetry…. and cheese…. and lemonade in this unrelenting, painful summer heat in Nevada) – but chocolate would be at the top of my list. And yes, i nearly fainted too just by looking at those luscious photographs. We just had our first taste of Zeppoli from Olive Garden yesterday – I knew it was like the beignet I tasted in New Orleans – only with a chocolate sauce twist to it. We just might have to go back there before we leave for Singapore. I heart heart Olive Garden.
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Zeppoli? Haven’t had any yet. Must investigate.
Funny thing happened last week. I looked out the window and saw my husband talking to the UPS man. This particular guy had walked along our long driveway rather than drive in — he said he likes to deliver parcels here because he often sees deer. He purposely leaves his truck on the street so he won’t scare them away. So this particular man in brown likes brown animals :).
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Wow, just found this thread – thanks so much for all the kind comments about my poem ! I am too embarrassed to show it to either of my (cute) UPS men… Alice Persons
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Hi Alice! What a nice surprise to hear from you. As you can see, we all LOVE your poem (and secretly harbor crushes on our own UPS men). 🙂
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