Hey! Guess what I found in my mailbox the other day?

 

A letter addressed to Tom Selleck!  Why didn’t somebody tell me he lived here?

Well, okay. He could have moved in while I was at my writer’s meeting. 

“Tom?” 

No answer.

“Mr. Selleck?”

Still no answer.

I looked for him everywhere.  He wasn’t using the green telephone in the den. Or scarfing down peach yogurt in the kitchen. Or playing with Captain Underpants. Or even sitting at my computer ogling my LJ friends. 

But I knew he was close by. I picked up the scent of red Ferrari exhaust. Spotted two salon-groomed moustache hairs on my memory foam pillow. Then I glanced out the bedroom window. A 6’4″ shadow whizzed by.

I catapulted outside. You’ll never guess what he said.

       
  “Your back yard is a mess.”

“You mean Cinnamon and Nutmeg, the fawns?”

“Got any bigger deer? With racks?” He licked his lips.

“Yeah, we’ve seen a few. But we don’t believe in hunting our pets.”

Trying to distract him, I said, “Do you know any children’s book editors? You see, usually I find children’s book editors in my mailbox, with letters that say ‘NO.'”

“Bad, bad editors.” 

“But today I found you. I think it might be a sign.” 

“Now, listen, little lady. I’m good but I can’t work miracles.” 

SIGH.““But I tell you what I’ll do.”

“You’ll fly to New York?”

“Well, no. But I’ll make a couple of calls.”

“Oh, thank you!  Did I mention what a big fan of Magnum P.I. I was? How watching your series made me feel a little closer to my family and friends in Hawaii? Heck, I even liked you as Monica’s boyfriend on Friends.”

That brought a tear to his eye.

“Hey, listen. You seem like such a nice gal. I’m going to do something else for you.”

My heart pounded, my hair follicles twitched. But being Korean, I didn’t blush.

“Ms. Rattigan, I’m going to be your MUSE.”

It made perfect sense. THAT’S why my stories haven’t been good enough. I’ve been working really hard, and trying my best, but there’s only so much you can do without a muse. Think about it. All the great writers have muses: 

Cynthia Lord has Milo. 
Lisa Yee has Peepy and Sock Monkey.
Cynthea Liu has Snoops. 
Anne Marie Pace has Penny Lane.
And Sara Lewis Holmeshas fried baloney and beets! 

The Lord sure does work in mysterious ways. Just this past week, I was trying to convince Barbara O’Connor to let me borrow her mailman, Romeo. He had brought her a Parent’s Choice Award for How to Steal a Dog (Spring 2007), and the bound galleys for her new book, Greetings from Nowhere (Spring 2008). Up until yesterday, all I found in my mailbox was, well, you know.Wish I could chat with you some more, but I need to get some revisions done.

“Hi, I want to set up a conference call with FSG, Little Brown, Houghton Mifflin, Charlesbridge, Eerdmans, and Chronicle Books.”