pork

“Barbecue sauce is like a beautiful woman. If it’s too sweet, it’s bound to be hiding something.” ~ Lyle Lovett

This ever happen to you?

You’re eating something healthy — veggie stir fry, tofu salad, homemade granola — when suddenly, an innocent little voice whispers in your ear:

“baby back ribs.”

Of course you ignore it. You’re sticking to your plan. No meat for you.

You. Are. Strong.

But with your next purposeful, politically correct bite, the voice gets louder:

“Dry Rub.”

And louder:

“Sweet, Smoky, Spicy. Fall-off-the-bone tender. Lick your greasy fingers.”

You cover your ears, but

“PICNICS COLE SLAW BISCUITS RED-CHECKED TABLECLOTHS FIDDLE MUSIC.”

After a short pause

“TEXAS BRISKET TENNESSEE BOURBON CORN ON THE COB BAKED BEANS POTATO SALAD P-U-L-L-E-D P-O-R-K FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!”

Continue reading →

Oinkity oink oink.

Happy March!

It’s National Pig Day!

Gather round, ye swines, sows, piglets and poetry-loving porkers. We’re mud-wallowingly happy to squeal your praises today. Surely none other in the animal kingdom is as clean, intelligent, belly beautiful or lick-the-fat-off-your-face tasty!

*pork fat reverie*

Mr. Cornelius delivering the keynote address at the 2013 Alphabet Soup Pig Day Conference.

Captive audience hangs on his every word.

“Now, let’s talk about that flying thing . . . “

Where would we be without our Sunday morning slices of crispy bacon, our juicy honey-baked Easter ham, our Wednesday night pan-fried pork chops with biscuits and gravy, our fall-off-the-bone bourbon-glazed baby back ribs? Oh, tempt me with your tenderloin, your coy cutlets, your heavenly hocks! Whether sausage, shoulder or bountiful butt, you alone wear the Crown.

To barbecue or not to barbecue — that’s not even a question. Aye, there’s the dry rub.

*trit trot, trit trot*

Continue reading →