THE TWELVE THANK-YOU NOTES OF CHRISTMAS
My dearest darling Edward,
What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge, in that lovely little pear-tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic present! Bless you, and thank you.
Your deeply loving
The two turtle-doves arrived this morning, and are cooing away in the pear-tree as I write. I’m so touched and grateful!
With undying love, as always,
My darling Edward,
You do think of the most original presents! Who ever thought of sending anybody three French hens? Do they really come all the way from France? It’s a pity we have no chicken coops, but I expect we’ll find some. Anyway, thank you so much; they’re lovely.
Your devoted Emily.
What a surprise! Four calling birds arrived this morning. They are very sweet, even if they do call rather loudly – they make telephoning almost impossible – but I expect they’ll calm down when they get used to their new home. Anyway, I’m very grateful, of course I am.
Love from Emily.
The mailman has just delivered five most beautiful gold rings, one for each finger, and all fitting perfectly! A really lovely present! Lovelier, in a way, than birds, which do take rather a lot of looking after. The four that arrived yesterday are still making a terrible row, and I’m afraid none of us got much sleep last night. Mother says she wants to use the rings to “wring” their necks. Mother has such a sense of humor. This time she’s only joking, I think, but I do know what she means. Still, I love the rings.
Whatever I expected to find when I opened the front door this morning, it certainly wasn’t six socking great geese laying eggs all over the porch. Frankly, I rather hoped that you had stopped sending me birds. We have no room for them, and they’ve already ruined the croquet lawn. I know you meant well, but let’s call a halt, shall we?
I thought I said NO MORE BIRDS. This morning I woke up to find no more than seven swans, all trying to get into our tiny goldfish pond. I’d rather not think what’s happened to the goldfish. The whole house seems to be full of birds, to say nothing of what they leave behind them, so please, please, stop!
Frankly, I prefer the birds. What am I to do with eight milkmaids? And their cows! Is this some kind of a joke? If so, I’m afraid I don’t find it very amusing.
Look here, Edward,
This has gone far enough. You say you’re sending me nine ladies dancing. All I can say is, judging from the way they dance, they’re certainly not ladies. The village just isn’t accustomed to seeing a regiment of shameless viragos, with nothing on but their lipstick, cavorting round the green, and it’s Mother and I who get the blame. If you value our friendship, which I do (less and less), kindly stop this ridiculous behavior at once!
As I write this letter, ten disgusting old men are prancing up and down all over what used to be the garden, before the geese and the swans and the cows got at it. And several of them, I have just noticed, are taking inexcusable liberties with the milkmaids. Meanwhile the neighbors are trying to have us evicted. I shall never speak to you again.
This is the last straw! You know I detest bagpipes! The place has now become something between a menagerie and a madhouse, and a man from the council has just declared it unfit for habitation. At least Mother has been spared this last outrage; they took her away yesterday afternoon in an ambulance to a home for the bewildered. I hope you’re satisfied.
Our client, Miss Emily Wilbraham, instructs me to inform you that with the arrival on her premises at 7:30 this morning of the entire percussion section of the Boston Symphony Orchestra, and several of their friends, she has no course left open to her but to seek an injunction to prevent you importuning her further. I am making arrangements for the return of much assorted livestock.
I am, Sir, yours faithfully,
Attorney at law.
Dear Poetry Lovers,
The lovely and talented Elaine Magliaro is hosting the roundup today at Wild Rose Reader. Thank you so much!
32 thoughts on “friday feast: in case you need a little chuckle”
Oh, my… This is more than a LITTLE chuckle, jama! Thanks ever so much.
Your admiring reader,
Hee hee hee… It’s been ages since I’ve read this! Wonderful.
You’re so very welcome, Janet.
Your devoted fan,
Glad it made you smile. Have a great weekend!
HA. That’s very funny. That is, indeed, a strange song, when you stop and think about it.
Heehee! Thanks, Jama!
lolz, that was lots of fun :0)
It’s one of those things that sound good at the time, but the reality? Though, it might be fun to receive bagpipes sometime.
You’re welcome, Barb! Enjoy the weekend :)!
She never said what the Boston Symphony was playing, though. 😉
Re: 12 days…
Hey, good luck with the show, and have fun at the reception tomorrow !!
Thanks, I will!
TadMack says: 😀
Bwa-hahahaha! I never realized that the pipers were BAGPIPES~ Somehow I always thought they were… pan pipes? Flautists? Oh, the horrible racket of bagpipes — one is bad enough (*ducks head, realizing she is in Scotland*)! This was so fun.
Re: TadMack says: 😀
I’m with you. I never really pictured bagpipes. What a racket! Oops, don’t tell the Queen that . . .
Ha! I’ve read these once before, too funny!
Thanks for stopping by, Kelly. Happy Holidays!!
Jama, Thanks for sharing this one.
I heard that some Grinchy person priced out the actual cost of giving the “12 Days” as a gift. Mucho bucks! I’d rather have a plate of holiday cookies.
Re: 12 Days
Me too! 🙂
Perhaps he should have just gone for the Fruit of the Month Club.
LOL 😀 😀 :D!!
HI-larious. My girls were pointing out recently that if it really worked the way the song goes, you’d get another partridge EACH day. Sheesh. Talk about over-eager!
Okay. I MUST share this with my students! First of all, there are several who are obsessed right now with the 12 Days of Christmas, and second, we are just completing a unit of study in writing workshop on letter writing. They have come up with all kinds of creative fictional business and friendly letters, so this will fit right in!
The bird ornament is lovely. We always look for new ornaments each year (but usually put the plastic balls up…just because of the curious kitties).
This version has made me seriously reconsider the hazards of massive bird poop. Your girls are very astute!
Oh great, Mary Lee! Glad this little chuckle will have some useful application after all. But how will you explain the “inexcusable liberties” being taken with the milkmaids? 😉
I love collecting ornaments. Hope to post about some of them soon :)!
Hmmm…may need to do a bit of editing! I forgot that part in all my chuckling…
Hi, Jama! Please step Into the Wardrobe for a peek. I have given your blog an award. 😉 Congratulations!
Into the Wardrobe
Thank you thank you thank you, Tarie! *Blushing* I’m grateful for the award and your continued support of alphabet soup!!
The pipers will be right over :D!
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