eight legs of terror

~ jama
“There’s a Spider in My Tub” by John Kenn Mortensen (2013).
CONFESSION 
by Sarah Russell

There’s a spider in the bathtub.
I saw him last night, and he’s still there
this morning, though I gave him fair warning
when I brushed my teeth before bed.
I need to take a shower.
But there’s a SPIDER.
In the BATHTUB.
My Dr. Schweitzer is arguing with my Eek.
He’s small –
smaller than a shirt button –
and round and 8 legs look like 3 too many.
But he’s in the BATHTUB.
Where I SHOWER.
NAKED.
I turn on the water, and he wiggles
a couple of legs but the spray doesn’t hit him,
so I don’t get a pass from Karma.
Then my Eek takes over,
and I get a piece of toilet paper,
and he wiggles 2 legs again but doesn’t run
so my Eek doesn’t get to plead self-defense.
I try to make it painless –
a squish and done – but then I wonder
if he was just trying to say hello,
and the shower’s kind of lonely
without him in there waving at me.

~ copyright © 2018 Sarah Russell as posted at Your Daily Poem.

*

art by Michael Sowa.

EEK! Has this ever happened to you?!

This poem made me laugh and shudder at the same time. Because we see so many spiders in our house, I rarely argue with my Dr. Schweitzer anymore. No waffling with my conscience, no reverence for life. It’s either us or them.

Scariest scenario: I’m staggering upstairs to bed and when I reach the top landing, a wolf spider’s there to greet me (gasp! heart clutch!). I wouldn’t hesitate to kill a smaller spider. But this one’s HUGE. And FURRY. These are the largest species we see indoors.

If Len is still up, I’ll scream. He’ll come running with an irritated, “WHAT?! WHAT?!”

“There’s a huge spider!”

“Don’t be silly. Just kill it!”

“I can’t. It’s HUGE!”

“Wolf Spider” by Martha Iserman.

By the time he joins me and actually sees the spider (who’s resting on an invisible chaise lounge in a smoking jacket), he says, “Oh. That IS a big one” (as if I would ever exaggerate).

With his manhood on the line, he musters up the courage to step on the spider, then scrapes the oozy carcass from the bottom of his shoe with a ton of toilet paper.

But if Len is asleep, or if I’m home alone, it’s totally up to me. I usually run for the fly swatter, hoping the spider will still be there when I get back. And then I whack it for all it’s worth (it feels like fly-swatting a mouse). I cringe as its legs shrink back, but I don’t feel guilty.

Better dead than lose sight of it, and have it crawl down the hall and into my bed when I’m asleep. The HORROR.

“The Giant Spider Invasion” (1975).

It’s never occurred to either of us to trap and release big spiders, which is probably what brave, humane people do.

Also, since the wolf spiders usually appear near the guest bathroom, we always assumed they’d crawled up the bathtub drain. But I’ve since read that isn’t usually the case. Spiders don’t come from bathrooms, they’re usually headed over there, in search of water.

I guess I’m grateful I haven’t seen a wolf spider in the shower. Yet. Such are the perils of living in the woods. Egads.

How do you feel about spiders? Do you feel guilty about killing any kind of bugs?

*

Lovely and talented Janice Scully is hosting the Roundup at Salt City Verse. Crawl on over (on your eight legs) to check out the full menu of poetic goodness being served up around the blogosphere this week. Have a nice weekend and Happy St. Paddy’s Day on Monday!

*Copyright © 2025 Jama Rattigan of Jama’s Alphabet Soup. All rights reserved.

30 thoughts on “eight legs of terror”

  1. Oh, how I laughed at your post. The smoking jacket! Ha! And if I saw a wolf spider inside, I would perhaps have to call 9-1-1. Lord. Seriously. I have killed bugs inside and occasionally felt a touch of guilt. But. Inside. No. Outside, I let them be, of course, unless they’re those shiny Japanese beetles killing my deck plants. And speaking of my deck, there’s a raccoon living on it! We thought it was just passing through, but now we realize it’s made a winter home on our deck table and chairs that are under a strapped-down winter cover. The temp’s going to be in the 70s tomorrow (ridiculous), and I’d like to sit on the deck. But I don’t know how to get rid of the raccoon. And I’m hoping it’s not a nursing mother. Eek! I like raccoons in trees and on our Blink camera. I do NOT like it living on our deck.

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    1. We occasionally see raccoons here, and are wary of them because of possible rabies. Would your local animal control department be able to advise you about removing the raccoon? I like looking at them with their cute black masks but they can be quite destructive.

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  2. This poem had me laughing out loud. My Eek comes out with roaches which are huge in Louisiana. Spiders tend to be small, except the beautiful banana spider which weaves its web seemingly overnight. Thanks for the giggle!

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    1. Luckily we don’t see roaches here, just large beetles. I remember there were a lot of roaches in Hawaii, and they are gross!

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  4. Pingback: Confession – Sarah Russell Poetry

  5. Oh, you can probably guess – I relocate them! (Vegan and all.) Much to my daughter’s horror if she’s visiting. The wolf spiders do make a quick chill run up my spine if they catch me off guard – they’re so big! We’re “in the woods” too, and I do prefer those giants to stay outside.

    The spiders haven’t shown up yet this year, really, though I did see an orb weaver the other day outside the back door. The golden orb weavers/banana spiders are actually becoming more scarce here with the (fairly recent) arrival of the Joros. But here’s to Charlotte!

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    1. I hope Charlotte doesn’t read this post — since I do love her. 🙂 Kudos to you for relocating spiders (I’m not that brave).

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  6. Very funny poem. Bugs are not my favorite species to have in my house. I don’t have a problem grabbing them with a tissue and sending them swimming down the toilet bowl! However, rodents scare me. That’s why my Kitty was my hero, and now that he’s crossed the Rainbow bridge, my stray buddies Nikki, Stevie Nicks, Miss Millie and d Pip are my outdoor heroes! Have a great weekend everyone.🐞🐜🕷️🐛

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    1. I share your aversion to rodents. Luckily our fox friends tend to keep the mouse population under control. Are all those strays cats too? Cute names!

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  7. WOLF SPIDERS! Big EEEEEK! I’ve encountered one once, and it was on our back patio, so I left it alone, but I DID NOT like the look of it.

    I do catch and release crickets, but I’m afraid that I will dispatch a spider with little-to-no mercy. My eldest daughter and her fiance think I’m a little barbaric. 😀

    Thanks for the laughter, Jama!

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    1. You, barbaric? Never!! Wolf spiders are indeed very startling — they seem to appear suddenly out of nowhere too. I wonder if they’re more afraid of us than we are of them.

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  8. Ha! Spiders aren’t particularly scary to me… (I’m with Margaret on the roaches. Do. Not. Like Them.) Unless they are crawling on someone I love. One time my sister came to visit (we lived in the woods — a different woods than we do now!) and as she ran up the steps to give me a hug, she unwittingly crashed into a spider web and (unwittingly) brought me a huge spider! Instead of hugging her, I was slapping at that spider…she didn’t know why I was slapping at her instead of hugging her. Funny memory! Thank you! xo

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  9. The rule in my classroom was, “If you’re going to kill it, you have to be hungry enough to eat it.” We keep capture containers (old yogurt tubs and various sizes of pill bottles) in several places in the house, and out go the spiders and scutigera (house centipedes). The only insects that are killed in our house are ants and food moths.

    All that said, I got a good giggle out of the poem. I like thinking about having a Dr. Schweitzer on one shoulder and an Eek on the other!!

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    1. You are so organized, Mary Lee! Admire your plan to relocate bugs in your house. Shuddered at your mention of centipedes — I think I’m more afraid of them than spiders!

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  10. Hahahahaha! I loved this post. I could relate to every word. Seriously. I often think when I run across a spider, it might be to just burn the house down! What a wonderful post. The poem was perfect; the art was perfect. The whole post was a joy. Thanks so much. I needed a laugh after watching the news.

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    1. Were you chased by, or pecked by a chicken when you were little? Wonder where your fear comes from. Any problems eating chicken?

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  12. Spiders don’t bother me too much, although the ones around here are small. I always think of Charlotte when they appear, so I do try to relocate them when I can. But I will admit that is not always the case. Enjoyed the poem and pictures – wow that’s a big spider on the wall!

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    1. Small spiders aren’t too bad — but the big ones do startle me. Maybe I should thank the wolf spiders for encouraging me to be brave . . .

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  13. Fun post Jama! I usually try taking them outside, but those bigger ones like the wolf test my energy to reposition or the alternative unfortunately… My daughter and I once were far too close to a tarantula in the CA woods… We both survived but it was quite an experience, thanks for the art and smiles! 😊

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  14. Jama, what a fun post that had many laughs. I am not a bug fan because a nest of wasps were in our outdoor deck cushions. They ran for me and one or two actually stinged my fingers as I was flying into the house. EEK that hurt while we drove to the urgent care. Now, I have to keep an epi pen in my car and house just in case…

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  15. What a fun poem! We had some huge spiders in England that jumped toward you instead of running away. Talk about “Eek!”.

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