to dye or not to dye?

~ jama

“It is not by the gray of the hair that one knows the age of the heart.” ~ Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

Here’s a little something to lighten the mood. 🙂

“Acropolis” by Mawra Tahreem.
GRECIAN TEMPLES
by George Bilgere

Because I'm getting pretty gray at the temples,
which negatively impacts my earning potential
and does not necessarily attract vibrant young women
with their perfumed bosoms to dally with me
on the green hillside,
I go out and buy some Grecian Hair Formula.

And after the whole process, which involves
rubber gloves, a tiny chemistry set,
and perfect timing, I look great.
I look very fresh and virile, full of earning potential.
But when I take my fifteen-year-old beagle
out for his evening walk, the contrast is unfortunate.
Next to me he doesn't look all that great,
with his graying snout, his sort of faded,
worn-out-dog look. It makes me feel old,
walking around with a dog like that.

It's not something a potential employer,
much less a vibrant young woman with a perfumed bosom
would necessarily go for. So I go out
and get some more Grecian Hair Formula—
Light Brown, my beagle's original color.
And after all the rigmarole he looks terrific.
I mean, he's not going to win any friskiness contests,
not at fifteen. But there's a definite visual improvement.
The two of us walk virilely around the block.

The next day a striking young woman at the bookstore
happens to ask me about my parents,
who are, in fact, long dead, due to the effects of age.
They were very old, which causes death.
But having dead old parents does not go
with my virile, intensely fresh new look.

So I say to the woman, my parents are fine.
They love their active lifestyle in San Diego.
You know, windsurfing, jai alai, a still-vibrant sex life.
And while this does not necessarily cause her
to come dally with me on the green hillside, I can tell
it doesn't hurt my chances.

I can see her imagining dinner
with my sparkly, young-seeming mom and dad
at some beachside restaurant
where we would announce our engagement.

Your son has great earning potential,
she'd say to dad, who would take
a gander at her perfumed bosom
and give me a wink, like he used to do
back when he was alive, and vibrant.

~ from The White Museum (Autumn House Press, 2010).
Vintage 1973 advertisement.

*

What a riot! Love Bilgere’s facile wit, the way his matter-of-fact conversational narrative strung me along from stanza to stanza. Surprised at him dyeing his dog’s fur, then the two of them “walking virilely around the block,” so funny. Could just picture it!

Most of us can relate to having concerns about aging, stressing over feeling or appearing less “vibrant.” We’ve all, at some point, succumbed to the whims of vanity. I did sympathize with the narrator, and liked how he was able to see the folly of his ways, opting for a tongue-in-cheek approach. Sometimes the only way we can deal with the inevitable is to find the humor in it. And we all have our fantasies, right?

“Stormy” by Manuel Alejandro Macarrulla (2021).

As someone who has yet to try covering my “gray,” and can’t recall ever possessing a “perfumed bosom,” I would say to the poet: be glad you are a male. In our society, men only grow more distinguished with age and are admired for their graying temples, with any lines or wrinkles evidence of having developed ‘character.’

Females are held to an entirely different standard, picked apart for their sags, bulges, weighty middles, crow’s feet. “She’s past her prime,” they say, when she’s hit the ripe old age of 45. But men? They’re praised for their ongoing virility (have you noticed how they wasted no time patenting Viagra but left women out in the cold when it came to menopause?).

Gratuitous photo of Silver Fox for research purposes only.

As a friend is fond of saying whenever she sees an attractive older man, “He can put his boots under my bed any time.” No need for Grecian Formula, guys, just embrace your enviable new identity as Silver Foxes. You may find yourselves struggling to fend off the hoardes of perfumed bosoms anxious to dally with you on green hillsides. But can an old dog learn new tricks?

*

The ever fabulous, lovely and talented Karen Edmisten is hosting the Roundup at her blog with the shockingly clever title. Be sure to rush over to check out the full menu of poetic goodness being served up around the blogosphere this week. Who knows, she could be dallying on a green hillside at this very moment, coffee cup in hand, of course. 😀

*Copyright © 2025 Jama Rattigan of Jama’s Alphabet Soup. All rights reserved.

27 thoughts on “to dye or not to dye?”

  1. Jama, you are a riot! This post also made me think of a certain attorney with hair-color sweat running down his cheeks. I love how the man in the ad goes from dour to downright giddy as his hair color darkens. Thank you for this fun start to my morning. Now, I think my dog’s fur needs a touch up…

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  2. Ha! Oh the sexism in aging! Jama, I always appreciate your sharing of Silver (and other) Foxes. 🙂 Meanwhile, I find older women gorgeous and have longed for a “stripe” of white or silver hair. Also, I am pretty attached to the “dangerous old woman” trope, as in “stand in my danger, and I will protect you with my hard-earned wisdom.” I mean, that’s power and beauty right there. xo

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  3. Haha – I, too, thought of a certain attorney with hair color sweat running down the side of his cheeks. Almost made me rethink ‘touch up’! Haha. I won’t deny that I’ve been coloring my hair for over a decade, but watching snippets of George Clooney on Broadway made me think, hm… George looks sexier and quite honestly, younger sporting his silvery ‘do’. Thanks for the morning laughter, and know I won’t be coloring my pups’ fur… even though Nabi has the poodle fading gene and is growing specks of white in her luxuriously dark fur.

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    1. I think George became more attractive the older he got — regardless of hair color. Some men really grow into themselves and it’s nice when their character shines through.

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  4. Haha–this poem made me laugh, Jama–but yes to everything you said about sexism and aging. We humans are so vain and insecure! But I color my hair at home every month or two, and I like my hair better that way, so who am I to judge?

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    1. My mom colored her hair regularly and always looked younger than her age. I’ve been tempted but — I’m too lazy and don’t want to put more chemicals in my hair (I already have to perm it, yuck).

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  5. 😆😆 well this blog vibe certainly took a turn!!😆😆 am a big proponent of dying the hair… for ME…. Also… not really caught up in societies norms for aging… once you’re through menopause 😅 the crone life is the one for me😉 (said with long medium blonde hair with “cracks” in my face😆😆)

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  6. What a perfect way to start the day ! Grecian Temples made me snort coffee out my nose, then get weepy at the end, and if that isn’t the mark of a stellar poet, what is? And then to follow it up with the portrait of Stormy the Beagle and the never-gratuitous Silver Fox, all wrapped up in Jama’s inimitable commentary — well, thank you, my dear, and may our gray hairs flourish!

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    1. Thank you, my favorite silver vixen. I really enjoy Bilgere’s work — do you subscribe to his newsletter? He shares great poems every day (by other poets).

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  7. This poem is hilarious! Thanks for sharing. I do dye my hair about once a month, and I hate doing it. However I still do it!

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  8. Thanks for the laugh (and your line about gratuitous photo of silver fox for research purposes was as funny as the poem.) I reached senior-citizenhood a few years ago without covering the gray, and have no plans to start.

    Probably the fact that my spouse, who is a year younger than moi, has been gray for a much longer time helps?

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  10. Jama, your humor has made me smile this morning and that’s a good thing. The poem you shared is funny from the first stanza on. Why men want to dye their hair has alwasys perplexed me. At least my husband was sensible enough to leave his hair as is. I always thought silver gray was a distinguished look for men but when my neighbors turned 40 it seemed that many of the husbands decided they needed a redo. The barber inside the country club offered dye jobs to keep them happy. The addition of the Grecian Formula ad also provided humor. As for the dog, I have never heard of anyone dying their pet’s hair. Keep on writing your blog with wit and seriousness based on your topic. It is always a pleasure to take time to read your work.

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    1. Glad to hear this post made you smile, Carol. I’m with you — silver-gray hair on men always appealed to me too. I also hadn’t heard of dyeing a pet’s hair (I sense that’s Bilgere’s humorous imagination). The other issue with men is losing hair — hair plugs seem painful. Good to see Prince William has always embraced his baldness, unlike his brother, who has his photos constantly photoshopped (and it looks like he’s had hair plugs too).

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  11. How fun and funny! I’ve dyed my hair…and I prefer the grays. But, perfumed bosom just made me laugh out loud.

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  12. HA HA HA HA HA – such a great and funny post. Thanks for the silver linings, Jama – ;0) . On my side of the family, we’re graced with lots of hair (and bosom, now that I think about it, sans the perfume), BUT – everyone starts going silver in their early 30s. So, I’ve been coloring my hair for three decades. This week, however, I started sneaking in some gray-silver in there to see how it’ll look. Followed Morgan and Ginnie’s leads in getting several inches taken off, too. Jury’s still out! And I did leave in the purple framing my forehead that I did for S&G’s wedding. ;0) Hugs to the bears and to all!

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    1. Glad this post made you laugh, Robyn .. now I want to see a close-up pic of you with that purple framing your forehead, and also the shorter cut. 🙂

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  13. Ha! Not dallying at the moment, but coffee cup is in hand. 😆 And Bilgere always makes me smile. You’re right, he doesn’t know how lucky he is!

    I’ve never tried covering my gray either. Hair-coloring has always sounded like too much work and maintenance for me. I’ve cut my own hair my whole adult life, and I remain pretty low-maintenance in all the ways of supposed beauty. 😂

    Thanks for another wonderful post!

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